“Trauma doesn’t just live in what happened to us — it lives in who we had to become to survive.”
Trauma is a word we use to name the story that happened to us.
But trauma is more than an event. It is a physical and emotional imprint that persists in the mind and the body, in the ways our nervous system was rewired to protect us when the world lost its safety.
Left unchecked, these protective patterns develop personas and proclivities of their own. Inner archetypes built on moments of trust lost, voice stifled, belonging denied.
Shadow characters whispering through the decisions we make (and don’t make), the people we let close (and don’t), the silences we keep.
In the language of myth and story, these are the characters of our inner fairy tale. We may not see them out in the world, but each has its place in our psyche. We live with them every day.
Each holds a piece of our wounds.
Each cradles a kernel of our power.
The Caretaker
Core Wound: Love must be earned through service.
Adaptation: Over-giving, rescuing, anticipating others’ needs before your own.
The Caretaker is the part of us who learned that love was conditional when we were young. They discovered that only by being useful, helpful, or selfless could they stay safe. They learned that to be loved, you must always serve.
Beneath her chronic exhaustion lies a simple longing:
“When is it my turn to be held?”
Healing Task: Practice the radical act of allowing others to care for you. Learn that rest doesn’t make you unlovable. It makes you real.
Reflection: What happens in your body when you imagine allowing someone to care for you without earning it first?
The Invisible One
Core Wound: My presence doesn’t matter.
Adaptation: Withdrawal, compliance, staying quiet to avoid disruption.
The Invisible One learned that attention from others, especially those we love can bring only danger or disappointment. They discovered an early talent for staying out of the way and still managed to survive.
“If I disappear, at least I won’t be hurt.”
Healing Task: Reclaim your visibility. Allow your voice to take up space in the world, even if it shakes. The world needs the music only you can make.
Reflection:
Where in your life do you still turn down the brightness of your light to avoid discomfort? What would it mean to be seen as you are?
The Controller
Core Wound: Chaos is unbearable.
Adaptation: Perfectionism, vigilance, emotional management.
The Controller is the inner archetype that emerges when the outer world becomes too unpredictable, too chaotic, to bear. They learned that to feel safe, they must be strong. Order became her fortress; control, her currency of safety.
“If I can just manage everything, nothing can break me.”
Healing Task: Rebuild trust in life, one sliver at a time. Learn that you can be safe without certainty. Allow softness, not control, to lead the way home.
Reflection: What would happen if you allowed one small thing to be imperfect in your life and still showed up kind for yourself anyway?
The Pleaser
Core Wound: Rejection equals danger.
Adaptation: Shape-shifting, over-agreeing, avoiding conflict.
The Pleaser learned in childhood that harmony was a necessary survival skill. They learned early how to read people, how to make others happy at the expense of her own truth. Her greatest fear is to be unlovable.
“If everyone’s happy, I’ll be safe.”
Healing Task: Reclaim authenticity. Learn to say “no” as an act of love, not defiance. Remember that real connection always begins where performance ends.
Reflection: Where in your life do you say ‘yes’ when your body says ‘no’? What truth wants to be spoken?
The Fighter
Core Wound: Vulnerability equals weakness.
Adaptation: Anger, defensiveness, and independence to the point of isolation.
The Fighter carries fire. This part survived through strength, driven by the aggression and determination necessary to stay alive. Their rage was once a form of protection that they needed when no one else was there to protect her.
“If I don’t fight, I’ll disappear.”
Healing Task: Learn to soften without losing power. Learn to allow anger to transform from a weapon into a boundary, from a form of defence into one of dignity.
Reflection: What would your anger say if it didn’t have to shout?
The Lost Child
Core Wound: No one comes when I cry.
Adaptation: Fantasy, dissociation, retreating into inner worlds.
The Lost Child is the part of us that drifted inward, into fantasy, when the outer world became too harsh to bear. They learned to retreat into her own inner world, often a beautiful and creative one. The Lost Child sometimes forgets that they no longer has to live in hiding.
“It’s safer to dream than to exist.”
Healing Task: Return gently to the body. To the earth beneath your feet. To the ground. Allow your small, hidden self to whisper, “I’m safe enough to be here now.”
Reflection: What helps you feel safe enough to be present in your body — even for a few moments?
Integration: The Return to Wholeness
“Every part of you was once a survival strategy. Healing is how we turn them back into soul.”
Each archetype is a creation of trauma, born of wounds both large and small. Over time, each develops its own strengths and proclivities.
But none of them are wrong. They were all, in their time, necessary. They were born of acts of love, created in impossible circumstances.
Healing is not the act of exile, but of listening. To what they feared. To what they protected. To what they still need. With time, they evolve.
The Caretaker becomes the Nurturer.
The Controller becomes the Grounded Leader.
The Lost Child becomes the Dreamer.
The Invisible One becomes the Storyteller.
The Pleaser becomes the Peacemaker.
The Fighter becomes the Protector.
This is the alchemy of healing — the transmutation of protection into wisdom, of trauma into myth.
Final Reflection
“The parts of you that once ensured your survival are now guiding you home.”
Ask yourself:
Which archetype is the loudest in my life right now?
What is it protecting me from?
What might happen if I thanked it for its protection instead of fighting against her?
When we meet our inner archetypes with compassion, the story changes.
What was once trauma can become initiation.
A return to wholeness through understanding, tenderness, and truth.