What is the Drama Triangle?
The Drama Triangle is a psychological framework that describes three roles or states of mind people tend to play out during conflict or struggle. These are:
Victim: Someone in the Victim role feels powerless, helpless, or trapped in a situation; they often see change as something external and not in their control.
Persecutor: The Persecutor is critical, blaming, shaming, or controlling; they often express unmet needs or fears by projecting them onto others.
Rescuer: The Rescuer rushes in to “save” or “fix” a problem for someone else, sometimes disempowering others in the name of support.
We all move between these positions with different people in our lives. Fairy tales can shed light on these dynamics, casting universal characters like Cinderella and her stepmother in archetypal roles.
Mapping the Fairy Tale: Cinderella
Cinderella as the Victim
Cinderella is forced to do chores, ignored by her stepmother, and made to feel powerless. She is passive in her own life, allowing the stepmother to treat her however she pleases. This behaviour positions Cinderella as the Victim.
However, it’s also important to notice Cinderella’s resilience, courage, and hope, which show that she is not truly helpless. This is an important reminder that we all have the agency to change and grow, even if we are stuck in the Victim role.
The Stepmother as the Persecutor
The stepmother is controlling, critical, and dismissive of Cinderella. She sets and enforces the rules in the household and tries to maintain power over Cinderella.
Stepmother (Persecutor) often operate from fear, insecurity, or unhealed wounds. However, it’s essential to recognise that their actions do not justify their behaviour. Unfortunately, this dynamic can trap others in a Victim role.
The Fairy Godmother as the Rescuer
The Fairy Godmother steps in to help Cinderella with her “magical transformations.” The Rescuer often enters relationships or problems before others have the chance to act independently.
The Rescuer tries to support, fix, or solve challenges, but can sometimes disempower others with their “help.” The Fairy Godmother is a positive archetype, but also allows Cinderella to avoid agency.
Relational Patterns: Fairy Tales as Maps of the Psyche
If we can look closely, we’ll see the dance of the Drama Triangle plays out between Cinderella and her stepmother throughout the story:
Cinderella in the Victim role: ignored, silenced, overworked.
The stepmother in the Persecutor role: critical, demeaning, controlling.
The fairy godmother in the Rescuer role: swooping in with solutions, saving the day.
Recognising and unpacking these dynamics can help us break free from unhealthy patterns.
The Turning Point: Claiming Your Power
One of the most therapeutic parts of the Cinderella tale is when she chooses to go to the ball herself. She takes action, dances with the Prince, and claims her own value. This is a symbolic way that Cinderella steps out of the Drama Triangle and into her own power.
- She sets a boundary with the stepmother.
- Steps into the driver’s seat of her life.
- Takes responsibility for her own happiness.
- The Symbolic Glass Slipper Moment
- Think of the moment Cinderella chooses to go to the ball. It’s more important than any magic slipper or fairy godmother.
- Here, Cinderella leaves the Victim role (waiting, expecting to be discovered) and takes action on her own behalf.
- She attends the ball, dances with the Prince, and makes the first move, not waiting for him to pursue her.
This mirrors what we need to do in therapy and life:
- Act consciously and responsibly rather than react to others.
- Choose empowerment over helplessness or enabling.
- Relationships with shadow and light: while Cinderella’s family oppresses her, she has inner resources to step into her power
Therapeutic Implications and Insights
Fairy tales like Cinderella can help you:
- Identify which role you tend to play (Victim, persecutor, Rescuer)
- Break repetitive and reactive patterns in your relationships.
- Support others without rescuing them.
- Claim your own power and make conscious choices for your own life.
- Recognise and nurture your inner resilience, like Cinderella.
Fairy tales and myths offer timeless and powerful insights into the human psyche. Cinderella is more than a fairytale romance; it’s a vivid example of the Drama Triangle we play out in real life. By shining a light on these dynamics, fairy tales can help us as readers better understand our relationships and reclaim our agency.